panu na nga ba ulet maging single? naku, nakalimutan ko na...

...panu na nga ba ulet maging single? naku.. nakalimutan ko na. Yung walang ka ng aabangang mga texts, walang mga "I love You" sa umaga, walang pagsusmbungan kapag malungkot ka. Wala ng mga surprise dates, wala ng kilitian, wala ng PDA. Ganun. Pero less pa yan ng mga bagay na tunay na mami-miss ko kapag single na ko ulet. wala ng mga yakap; wala ng mga halik; at wala ng feeling ng security na kahit anu pang mess at pagkakalat ang gawin mo sa buhay, may isang tao pa ring magmamahal sau. Wala ng magsasabing "ikaw na lang ang nagpapasaya sa akin", "para sa future ito", "may sasabihin ako sau, love kita!! wala lang!"... ang lungkot noh?

iniisip ko na lang, masaya naman ang naging relationship namin. alam kong minahal nya talaga ako at madami syang ginawa na talagang hindi na mawawala sa puso ko. kaso lang, ang msamang balita ay, nanlalamig na sya eh. yung tipong, nagde-depreciate na ang love nya. alam mo ba, nung unang nangyari saking iniwan ako, ganito rin ang case. nanlalamig, pero ayaw makipag break. so that time, ako ang nakipag break. kasi nga hindi na ako mahal di ba? pero nung pa't nagtanong-tanong na ang mga tao sa sudden breakup namin, naka- nang- putcha, pinalabas nya sa mga tao na ako naman daw ang nakipag hiwalay. so, well ang tingin ng mga tao, ako ang masama. ako daw kasi ang nawalan ng pag-asa. kaya alam mo ba, sa relasyon ko ngayon sa bf ko na to (yung subsequent sa na-mention kong bastard), talagang i did the best that i can to save what we have. kasi nga, baka naman pagtitiis ang gusto ni God na ma-test sa pagkatao ko. Okay naman si current BF eh. mapagmahal, responsable at resourceful sa buhay. Kung baga, kung sino man ang mapapangasawa nito, tiyak, buhay na. Kaso nga lang, ganun eh. Mukhang hiindi na ata ako mahal. Malaking problema yun di ba? Yun ung tipong kahit ano atang save mo, eh wala na sayo ang bola eh. Hindi na ako ang may problema. Sya na. Kaya kahit siguro maglabasan na ang mga litid ko sa kaka-explain at kakatanong kung ano ang pwede kong gawin para bumalik sya sakin.. ay wala rin syang maisasagot. At least, tuwing nalulungkot ako, naaalala ko na lang ang past ko before i met him...

sige, kwento ko sau... alam mo, when my ex and i broke up,, i was so devastated. galit na galit ako. as in kung pede ko lang durugin ang heart ko para hindi na sya magmahal ulet. plus, ito pa, galit na galit din ako sa self ko. kasi, parang alam mo yon, ang dali nyang maka-move on tapos ako hindi. Then, alam mo, sbi ng best friend ko sakin.. " God cant mend a broken heart, if you dont give him all the pieces".. so i was stunned. Di ba nga totoo. That's what i did. Time passed i prayed every night for peace and forgiveness, and miraculously, i felt better. Im not bitter anymore, and i learned not to care about my ex. Yun tipong, clean slate. It took me around four months to do this. we broke up July 9, 2004, so mga November, i was a free spirited na. Masaya na ko in my own ways as a single, unattached person, and i met new people. And i mean new people,kasi that's when i met my current BF. I fell in love with him, gradually. Kc nga, i dont trust my heart any more that time, kaya ang dami kong doubts non. pero alam mo, i prayed ulet everynight, AT WELL.. KINAIN KO RIN ANG SINABI KO. Sabi ko kc sa sarili ko, hindi na ako ulet magmamahal. pero one night, i made a confession to myself na, kahit anong control pa, you can nevr stop your heart from beating again. so i gave our relationship a shot. That's around April 2005. It was never an easy journey for us.. pero one thing is for sure. Nakapag mahal ako ulet. God made it happen, nagtiwala lang ako sa kanya. and he freed me. yun ang nangyari before. So thats possible ulet di ba?

Ang buong tiwala ko, as in kay God ko na binibigay. My relationship with my current bf ay talagang reaching for its recession. ewan ko ba, iniisip ko, bakit ba sa tuwing nagmamahal ako, ako naman, ang naiiwan. Pero wala naman akong magagawa don di ba? Will ni God yun eh. Saka in the first place, sya rin naman ang nagbigay kay current bf di ba? I was in pain; even worse than the wilderness when i found the love of my life. My current BF talaga ang mahal na mahal ko. Kaya nga nalulungkot ako eh. kasi baka naman, naisip ni God, tapos na ang time na allotted for the two of us. Its time for us to move on alone na. Isipin mo, nung kaka-break ko lang kay EX, may mga moments na namimiss ko yung feeling ng may nagmamahal sakin. Tapos dumating si Current BF. Wala akong reason para magtampo kay God; kasi nga, i know deep down sa puso ko, naramdaman ko naman un. walang rason para maging bitter ako. Malungkot nga lang, nakakapanibago, at talagang masakit. pero nga, tulad ng sinabi ko kay current bf, wala namang hindi nahi-heal ang time. Tested ko na yun.

isa lang ang takot eh. yun bang AUTOMATIC na maghold on ang puso ko sa kanya. alam mo na. yung tipong, hindi sya maalis. pero sabi nga ni Joe d mango, mas masasaktan ako kung pipilitin ko syang alisin sa puso ko. bayaan mo lang yung. it will eventually die a natural death. yung starvation in human terms. mahal na mahal ko kc talaga sya. at hinihiling ko na nga lang, na si God na ang mag bigay sakin ng peace of mind at sana i-heal na nya ang heart ko.

The Hard Lessons on Love and Men (From Grey's Anatomy)

Well i know i'm not supposed to post this since, i planned to post only original compositions, but what the hell!! i like this, and i feel this would really be a big help to every woman who deserves such an unfailing and unconditional love. i dont believe that all men are dogs though.. but lets admit it... angels aside, there are really those that would require a miracle before they realize a woman's value.

thanks to my friend, Henierose Baldonado for sharing this very inspiring and convincing message. i hope this would enlighten the women, and MEN to be more considerate and loving to each other.

1. A man won't let go if he really loves you.Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you.Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you.Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hung up on your past.Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you.Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare.He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl.What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn't guard him enough or you didn't make him happy enough.

4. Do not look into images.How many times have you met a girl who didn't have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice?Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality.Do not fear men just because your "supposedly" perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.Set your limits on how far you'd go for a guy. It's perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it's worth it..And it's worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him. Don't be scared that he'll break up with you.Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage.Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.It's a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it's the guy who's calling, not the girl.He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge.More so, he will get annoyed. But it's a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number.But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated,and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don't lose hope.Don't settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women.There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can.Also, do not believe him when he says it's just the way he really is.He's not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together?Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what.Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife,girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can't get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can't leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.Philandering once is enough.You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.Do not steal another girl's man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on therebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a relationship. Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn't come yet..Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc..If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.

14. Do not settle. If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be.Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.

15. A relationship has to have love. Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.

16. Don't be afraid to be single.It's fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.

17. Be a good girl. Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years) . If you compare yourflings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.

18. Love without limits. Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for somethings, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn't give your all, you get hurt for nothing.

19. You will get over him. Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

20. Be the one. Act like you are the one. Don't be a nagger. Don't hinder his gimmicks. Don't give in to him too easily.Make him treat you as important. Don't be easy. Don't be like every other girl he had in his life.

LV bags are'nt cheap!! And success is'nt either!!!

I found Louis Vuitton's e-shopping site.. http://www.louisvuitton.com/ and i am so depressed right now. Imagining the dream bag that i want.. costs 28000 pesos! This is so outrageous! There's no way that my situation would let me buy such desirable thing! Unlike siguro kina Shaina or KC, theyre profession requires them to buy stuff and wear stuff that isnt cheap, other wise, the public would brand them as cheap too! Not cool for their reputation!! hahahha!

LOUIS VUITTON MONOGRAM MIRAGE LINE (Griet Exotic)

LOUIS VUITTON MONOGRAM CANVAS SHOULDER BAG M40026

anyways, nakakaluha talaga! the monogram bags arent cheap! and these are globally known!! urgh!!!

well nothing's really much here at work. toxic.. kasi puro issue. but you know what, its not that bad. you got to earn real friends.. and youve got to really prove yourself.. it's not easy but.. i tell you its worth it. everyday is an oppurtunity to improve and be great!! its all in the mind, i guess. if you will see everything as a curse, you'll never get the chance to smell the flowers along the way..

its a very beautiful world.. i hope everyone is as positive as i am. :)

Someone in SSC is not doing their jobs!!!

Being here in SSC Manila really gave me the oppurtunity to work with people from different backgrounds. And guess what, i dont like Malaysians. They are a proud race; and very bossy. At least those people that in the same company as iam are. they are not friendly; and they are not patient, more so!!!

"My Religion is Kindness" -- Dalai Lama

I am a very patient girl.. but i tell you, dont push me cause i bite!! hahhaha! anyways, i dont have much for me to post so, i better go back to work. Love yah!

Deviousness… Venality… Munificence... and a good ‘ol fashioned Romance: Our 1st Tagaytay Group Date

I never thought that I could enjoy our trip yesterday. I must admit that, somehow I saw some inevitable imperfections; however, generally, the trip was awesome! Well, you have to devise ways on how to make something enjoyable no matter how uncomfortable you seem to be. :)..

Okay! Enough of mushy stuff!! I have got here the short list of our itinerary yesterday. I had so much fun that I inputted a few notes and addresses so that if you (crazy reader of this blog :)) would need it... Then you can see it. :)

We left Manila at 10:30 AM the least. I was sooo worried about him since we traveled with two of their company’s highest ranking officers here in Asia. We went with their Country President, to whom they were fond of calling “PhiTap”, and their Regional Marketing Manager, Vivian. We came to the meeting place, an hour or so late!! I wasn’t able to gather their complete names but... I’ll do my best though, in order to preserve the memory of this trip. Anyway, I‘ll have a separate entry for the “feelings and cheverlooo” on that day. I swear I was so happy, but not until I truly saw and realize the something that I have been always dreading about. But as I have said to numerous people already, we should not waste a very fine moment. Learn to enjoy every step of the way!!

Take a look on the notes I put below:

Bag of Beans – Pity because we have stayed here for just a short while. The place is neat; and very nature friendly. They have bird on cages; and like most of the places in Tagaytay, they have numerous flowers. What I like most here, is that I have displays of very old things like, clock, old TV and teapots ranging from 1880’s to 1920’s, the least (wicked!!). I have a feeling that it looks so dramatic at night.

The Boutique, Bed and Breakfast – owned by Melon Santiago, Allana Montelibano and Happy Ongpauco (Heart Evangelista’s Sister), this very idealistic restaurant, located at #45 Aguinaldo Highway, Silang Crossing East Tagaytay City, offers very healthy cuisine topped with the luscious view of the Taal Scenery. They also have one of the finest accommodations, whose names are “I desire”, “I lust”, “I dream”, instead of the usual “Suite 1” and so forth. I highly recommend this for couples... (I’m gonna also try this myself!! A big woof woof!!) mailto:theboutique.bnb@gmail.com

(image from Click the City)

Caleruega – Church tripping have never been one of the things that I fancy when I go on tours, but not until I went to the St. Anthony de Padua at Upper South of Catbalogan, Samar. Yesterday, I had the privilege to go into one of the most romantic church there is. This church, is very Hispanic, and exhibits elegance in the same manner that it mirrors the ages that it had been through. Located at Bgy. Kaylaway, Nasugbo Batangas, check this artistic scenery! http://www.caleruega-philippines.ph

image from batangaswedding.com

image from: aldousandlhen.weddingannouncer.com

Paradizoo – Place for fielded animals… where you can find lots of sorts. Peggy, PBB’s favorite pig is also here. I enjoyed the sight of these animals. Pity I missed milking a goat!! Love the sights of butterflies though. FYI: adult butterflies have a life span of 7 days!(Seven days!!? Seven days to be beautiful? That’s crazy!!)

image from: ourparadisephilippines.com

image from: pinoytravelblog.com

Sonya’s Garden – this place is loaded with lots of beautiful flowers. They also offer pampering services like massages and body scrubs. Shame that I didn’t get to enjoy the place that much. We just sat at the place’s cafeteria (too grandiose for a “cafeteria” eh?) and talked together with Tin and Jorge. And BTW, this is the home of the finest Cheesy Hopias that I have ever tasted!!! http://www.sonyasgraden.com

 image from mikewagan.net

image from: pinoytravelblog.com

Gourmet 1977 – this is the place where we took our Dinner; kinda Tagaytay’s version of Chef Donatello or Sbarro maybe. I love the place’s cozy ambiance; topped with the serenade of their very talented pianist…OMG!! I considered it a very romantic place for pasta-fanatic couples like us!!! FYI... I love their seafood combo pasta!!

Breakfast at Antonio’s – for those of you who are crazy about great sceneries while having breakfast, this is the perfect place for you, ma’ hommies!! Quite a classic yet serene place for a dreamy breakfast. They serve great sausages and crepes too!!

image from: tipidobo.blogspot.com

image from supladoonline.com

Good Shepherd Sisters – this is the last of our destinations. We came here to buy pasalubongs and I think they also bought something for Vivian to bring in Singapore. I bought a small bottle of Strawberry Spread myself, and a 990 gram pack of specialized Ube Jam. BTW, in every purchase that you make, you help a child in order to pursue his education. Quite a catch!!

I hope I didn’t miss something. I really would like to share what I enjoyed and what I saw. The great news is that, there are a lot more other places to visit!! Im looking forward to my next visit here and that I hope I’ll get to give you more hints and tips when you go here in Tagaytay!! Hooray!!

butterflies in the intestine??!!

instead of butterflies in the stomach.. its butterflies in the intestine!!! hahahaha!! i cant help it! it makes me feel like im gonna poop all night!!


well.. i have finished the payment proposal today .. quite a bit early. i am happy somehow but.. whenever i thought of going with Freddie tomorrow.. my stomach aches. last night i was crying... well ayokong nag sesenti kapag ang reason lang is when i feel some one does not like me, or not trully accepting who i am. but im kinda happy though. cause now i realize.. yes maybe i am not sexy. but certainly... i am way too beautiful to be depressed. life is too short to spend it in non-stop crying and sobbing!!! (Huh?)..


i am feeling rather nervous, though. i committed so much mistakes (minor or major? well, doesnt matter cause the LC dont give a sh*t!). i hated it cause this may cause my new team leader Ronald, to brand me as the clumsy queen in the group! heheheh!


anyway..the only thing that excites me is that, i will be able to roam and go outside the busy city of manila. i will be able to go out and smell fresh air!! think about that!! that would be the real catch in this trip. i will be go to the finest place where i can trully enjoy the beautiful sight of peace!!!!! HOORAY!!


siguro, in order for me to appreciate life more and the beauty of what i see, i will take pictures.. di ba nga sabi dun sa nabasa ko.. try to look for something new to like. the thought make sense, doesnt it? i feel that, this is what i should do so that i wont get tired easily... yung the act of "smelling the flowers along the way".. oh di ba? parang as i have mentioned before, life is too short to waste on unnecessary aching and dreading. naiinis ako kasi masyado akong nagpapadala sa mga sasabihin ng ibang tao.. eh gosh... tao lang yan.. though i must admit that i dont actually rely on them too much.. but...the thing is. i cant ignore what they say naman entirely..


i am so dead!!!!

getting drenched in the dryness..

well.. work is rather drastic.. well a bit nice (urgh!) .. but really... really toxic (exponentially).. I'm still trying not be so over dramatic upon everthing.. you see.. i have been rather helpless these days..

after the very tiring teambuilding.. i realized a lot of things..the quality of teachability and stuff.. gosh.. how i miss riz.. i ve been in a lot lately and ive felt for the ...well.. for the n^th time in my life, nobody really cared on what or how well i do something.. sometimes, im thinking, did i really overestimated myself? i dont like such idea.. i felt i have thought myself that i am so not that "ideal".. that i am not the woman that i am dreaming to be someday. di ba nga ang sabi is, "be your excellent self, all the days of your life"? now im thinking.. am i being such a baby in my team? am i the weakest link? or if there's any, am i any diffrent from that person?

i am hoping to be a better person without sacrificing other areas in my life. my point is to be my best self. at all areas. career, self improvement, love, and family. i want nothing but balance in everything. i will not bear to give up any part of it any matter or sacrifice it in one way.
I felt so bad right now. shet.. why am i so being in love with a person who is not proud of me? who cant make me comfortable? who makes me feel ugly? i cant be like this forever!! i cant feel ugly all the time. i cant always be mad at myself for not being the girl that he wants.

damn... i cant seem to smile these days!!! urggh!!!

he's going away...

i never intend to be this melancholic. i guess.. its just that.. he's truly leaving me. he plans to go to Singapore this year, and i can never do anything about it. not that i will want to do anything about it.. but its just so sad.. ngayon pa lang i promise myself to not really continue this fairy tale any more...

how can i try to hide the fear... ayokong umasa... pero i want him to give me a reason to wait for him..

its just so sad..