there are only four things that can make me cry... first, if im laughing so hard that as if my eyeballs are pumping out of their sockets and i cant breathe. next is when im working so hard for something and i was not able to have it. then if i cant forgive a person no matter how hard i try. and lastly, which is the most painful for me...is when im losing someone in my life. now...give me a moment to glimpse on one of the most personal aspects of my life...my relationships.
i love to smell him...i still can remember his scent...sigh...no matter how sweaty he is...he still smells so good...now im thinking...what if i wont smell him ever again...what if i wont be able to touch him again...i just wonder...what would be the changes if i will no longer have him in my life?
just yesterday...i was with him the whole time...i was looking at him intently...accompanied by fear, i asked myself, what if this would be the last time that i can lay my hands on him? i dont know...but i was just so scared. i dont know...maybe its normal to be scared...because there is something to be scared about...i just hope i would have the strength to face it.
reminiscing the moments when we first met...i never imagined even with a little glint that we would end up together. he was really one of the most amazing guys that i know during that time...but surprisingly, i never admitted to anyone, even with my bestfriend that i had a big crush on him...well that was odd really because, as a person, i have a tendency to be very vocal on things that i like...especially with boys. but you know what, i was really fond of him... i like chatting with him...and surprisingly, i love looking at him...he was the apple of my eye...so when the time came that he told me that he was falling for me...i know in my heart, even without me admitting it before...i knew i had fallen for him quite a long time ago .
were 13 months already...and guess what... gonna be turning 14 months just a little more days to go... i know it hurts when he's unintentionally making me feel that he's not yet sure about our future if there's any...but that's the truth anyway...we still dont know what's in store for us... but it really does hurt... a lot...
i know that there may be a big doubt in his heart. maybe about other matters or maybe about me. im not so sure...maybe its because that he's feeling that i might be having doubts too?... i dont have any doubts. what i have are questions...questions of what he thinks about our relationship...do i have a place in his future?
even at first, i placed our relationship in God's loving hands...i told him to give me ample reasons to continue our relationship during those moments that i felt we would both crumble...but i realized, even if our relationship will be gone, i would not be able to stop loving him. the moment that i committed to the fact that i love him...i also attached the truth that i'll continue to love him no matter what...even if there will come a time that he might turn his back to me...
my only fault is...i loved him so hard that i lied to him...it was wrong...undoubtedly hurtful...but i just thought that it was the rightest thing for that moment...i know its still a lie...and now im paying for it...but really, the scariest thing is i dont know how much it might cost me...
i just hope that i will be able to tell him soon...i just know that the truth will eventually come out no matter what, but really...im just scared...im just so so scared that he might turn his back to me... that it might be very easy for him to leave me...but the scariest of all is, that i might not be able to force myself to stop loving and waiting for Him inspite of the fact that his life will be the same even without me...
i love to smell him...i still can remember his scent...sigh...no matter how sweaty he is...he still smells so good...now im thinking...what if i wont smell him ever again...what if i wont be able to touch him again...i just wonder...what would be the changes if i will no longer have him in my life?
just yesterday...i was with him the whole time...i was looking at him intently...accompanied by fear, i asked myself, what if this would be the last time that i can lay my hands on him? i dont know...but i was just so scared. i dont know...maybe its normal to be scared...because there is something to be scared about...i just hope i would have the strength to face it.
reminiscing the moments when we first met...i never imagined even with a little glint that we would end up together. he was really one of the most amazing guys that i know during that time...but surprisingly, i never admitted to anyone, even with my bestfriend that i had a big crush on him...well that was odd really because, as a person, i have a tendency to be very vocal on things that i like...especially with boys. but you know what, i was really fond of him... i like chatting with him...and surprisingly, i love looking at him...he was the apple of my eye...so when the time came that he told me that he was falling for me...i know in my heart, even without me admitting it before...i knew i had fallen for him quite a long time ago .
were 13 months already...and guess what... gonna be turning 14 months just a little more days to go... i know it hurts when he's unintentionally making me feel that he's not yet sure about our future if there's any...but that's the truth anyway...we still dont know what's in store for us... but it really does hurt... a lot...
i know that there may be a big doubt in his heart. maybe about other matters or maybe about me. im not so sure...maybe its because that he's feeling that i might be having doubts too?... i dont have any doubts. what i have are questions...questions of what he thinks about our relationship...do i have a place in his future?
even at first, i placed our relationship in God's loving hands...i told him to give me ample reasons to continue our relationship during those moments that i felt we would both crumble...but i realized, even if our relationship will be gone, i would not be able to stop loving him. the moment that i committed to the fact that i love him...i also attached the truth that i'll continue to love him no matter what...even if there will come a time that he might turn his back to me...
my only fault is...i loved him so hard that i lied to him...it was wrong...undoubtedly hurtful...but i just thought that it was the rightest thing for that moment...i know its still a lie...and now im paying for it...but really, the scariest thing is i dont know how much it might cost me...
i just hope that i will be able to tell him soon...i just know that the truth will eventually come out no matter what, but really...im just scared...im just so so scared that he might turn his back to me... that it might be very easy for him to leave me...but the scariest of all is, that i might not be able to force myself to stop loving and waiting for Him inspite of the fact that his life will be the same even without me...
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