November 14, 2006
Today is a good day you know. God granted my request to have a salary in excess of 5500 php. It will have its uses you know. I am just in a sense worried about it. I will have no allocation for my review expenses. That is because I have to prepare money for this Christmas. It’s just a little pressuring on my part since I have to save a lot so that I could buy gifts. Hay naku talaga.
I need to work today. I can’t indulge on this bad habit you know. It is not appropriate. And the fact that I am not seen is not ethically correct you know. This is not right. I should not do this more often. You see, yesterday, I have done nothing but scribbled down in papers and plan for other stuff. I also exhausted my emotions on what I had felt with our relationship. Well, all of it is true. I considered it to be the utmost confession of my fears about us. As of now, I am still trying so hard to isolate myself from him. I want to do things one at a time. I felt that I am somehow succeeding in isolating myself from him.
I am indeed hoping that everything will be more successful for me. I have to isolate myself from him… it’s for my own good… and most importantly… for my own safety. I need to be as independent as possible. I can be dependent on other stuff… you know that well for a fact. But when it comes to him… that’s so difficult to say… that so difficult to judge… that’s so difficult to do… I can’t be dependent on him just as fast as that. That is exactly what I am doing right now… I am doing it slowly, yet surely. I want to make him feel that there is other stuff that is taking my time, effort and attention more. That he has to wait; that he is not the only one who can set relationship aside to focus more on other stuff. I have to prove to myself that I can still be alone and that I don’t need him all the time… that I can be happy though were are not seeing each other; or talking to each other.
I felt bad because I know that I am trying so hard to prove this without him even recognizing that there is something bad going on. Well, I have to start this busy stuff by myself; and I will need to continue this at least until next week by 11-23-06. I have to do a lot of stuff especially that the review session will start by 11-20. We have to meet by 11-24, in which I think that’s the time that I have to make him feel that I am so tired; and I need some pampering. In truth; I really have to be so tired because I need to sleep at night. Otherwise, I will be awake again, waiting for him for FIVE hours to make the first move! It’s so annoying yet I have to exercise caution in this since I have to prove to him and to myself that there is no attachment. That it is not so big deal.
I have to work for a while you know… they are not paying me to sit here and use their computer for nothing. Catch you later! J
Why am I sleepy so early at this time? You know what; I didn’t have a good sleep this morning. I woke up around 5 pm so sweaty and so not really in a pleasant state. He has no texts and he didn’t even call me. I know that he is also busy, well, and that’s exactly the right time to be busy for me too. In truth and in substance, my happy days are over. I will be facing the biggest challenge of my life… my CPA board exam. I really need to master the art of concentration. I really need to know how to do one stuff at a time. But, I am really so sleepy at this moment. What shall I do? I felt I was overworked last week and I felt that the customer may get mad at me as soon as I followed this up again… gosh! I need to achieve my target of 80%!!! Golly badoodle!
Today is a good day you know. God granted my request to have a salary in excess of 5500 php. It will have its uses you know. I am just in a sense worried about it. I will have no allocation for my review expenses. That is because I have to prepare money for this Christmas. It’s just a little pressuring on my part since I have to save a lot so that I could buy gifts. Hay naku talaga.
I need to work today. I can’t indulge on this bad habit you know. It is not appropriate. And the fact that I am not seen is not ethically correct you know. This is not right. I should not do this more often. You see, yesterday, I have done nothing but scribbled down in papers and plan for other stuff. I also exhausted my emotions on what I had felt with our relationship. Well, all of it is true. I considered it to be the utmost confession of my fears about us. As of now, I am still trying so hard to isolate myself from him. I want to do things one at a time. I felt that I am somehow succeeding in isolating myself from him.
I am indeed hoping that everything will be more successful for me. I have to isolate myself from him… it’s for my own good… and most importantly… for my own safety. I need to be as independent as possible. I can be dependent on other stuff… you know that well for a fact. But when it comes to him… that’s so difficult to say… that so difficult to judge… that’s so difficult to do… I can’t be dependent on him just as fast as that. That is exactly what I am doing right now… I am doing it slowly, yet surely. I want to make him feel that there is other stuff that is taking my time, effort and attention more. That he has to wait; that he is not the only one who can set relationship aside to focus more on other stuff. I have to prove to myself that I can still be alone and that I don’t need him all the time… that I can be happy though were are not seeing each other; or talking to each other.
I felt bad because I know that I am trying so hard to prove this without him even recognizing that there is something bad going on. Well, I have to start this busy stuff by myself; and I will need to continue this at least until next week by 11-23-06. I have to do a lot of stuff especially that the review session will start by 11-20. We have to meet by 11-24, in which I think that’s the time that I have to make him feel that I am so tired; and I need some pampering. In truth; I really have to be so tired because I need to sleep at night. Otherwise, I will be awake again, waiting for him for FIVE hours to make the first move! It’s so annoying yet I have to exercise caution in this since I have to prove to him and to myself that there is no attachment. That it is not so big deal.
I have to work for a while you know… they are not paying me to sit here and use their computer for nothing. Catch you later! J
Why am I sleepy so early at this time? You know what; I didn’t have a good sleep this morning. I woke up around 5 pm so sweaty and so not really in a pleasant state. He has no texts and he didn’t even call me. I know that he is also busy, well, and that’s exactly the right time to be busy for me too. In truth and in substance, my happy days are over. I will be facing the biggest challenge of my life… my CPA board exam. I really need to master the art of concentration. I really need to know how to do one stuff at a time. But, I am really so sleepy at this moment. What shall I do? I felt I was overworked last week and I felt that the customer may get mad at me as soon as I followed this up again… gosh! I need to achieve my target of 80%!!! Golly badoodle!
At last its 12:25… I can sleep in just a few minutes… I am so sleepy… I am so, so drastically with no energy… oh golly… i remember Fredi just now… just a quick memory… oh shocks… he is really good in
Well, I still have to work. It is still three hours before we can go home. We cannot have anymore overtimes that are not allowed and pre-approved by our team leads. Anyway, I have been working here for almost four months yet I haven’t got the chance to describe what I do here. I am a receivables analyst for American President Lines Logistics. It is one of Maersk’s competitors in Asia. I know I am somehow good in what i do. i know i can do well with the collections and I can easily do functions on stuff that are assigned to me. I know i could've done better and I can really succeed in mastery of the Collections. However, I am really now decided to pursue what my heart desire's... I am willing to pursue the choice which will affect bigger part of my future and that of the family that I was trying to build. I am keen enough to suffer for those that I love... and those that i will love in the future.
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